So I am Deciding to make this a Diary account instead of an art account I will post some of m art on here but I need it to be more for writing my repressed feelings. Names have been changed so I won’t (God Forbid) Offend anyone

I’m going to start where my Real Diary Starts off:

Date: January 13, 2010

Tonight for the First time in ages, I feel like I can Breath fully. Like the guilt has been lifted off my heart. I can also think clearly and not think of “Him” like I used to. I mean I used to think of “Him” like anyone with a crush would think, But I don’t have to think about him like that anymore. I am free, so to say, Like I have grown up a littler or It feels like I have been reborn.

-V.

Date: February 17, 2010

 Well today was better than yesterday. I have been mad at my mom for a while, Because out of all the people she could have picked to hang out with it had to be “K”. I love that girl she’s my best friend and all but she has proven to be a drama queen and our past quarrels were not fun at all. She has to think everything is supposed to be about her. It might just be my Jealousy but Damn, It just annoys me. But my other Best Friend “Rae Lynn” is also fighting with “K” so it makes it worse but IT’s Driving me and my OTHER Best friend “D” Crazy.

-V.

Date: May 24, 2010

Ahh, 2 months have past since my last entry, but my life is still in the crapper. I know I shouldn’t Complain because Kids around the world don’t have the luxury like we all do. But I am not happy at all………….I only have one out of 3 friend left who I can tell my darkest secrets to.

I  will post more tomorrow, But for right now I’m just posting those 2.

The person I want to love me doesn’t and the person that loves me, I don’t know if I can love back.

I tend to hold my feelings up inside me until I’m alone then they burst out and I can’t stop. Well I let them out tonight the little demons locked inside my heart, I let go and I think I might have let my mind go just a little with them. I just keep going around in circles not knowing if I will be pushed, beaten or torn a little more inside. This feeling is burning the living Shit out of me and SHE, yes her the girl you Rue end my Life. Set it a flame and watched it burn, She set my Soul on fire and Tainted it with her words her face, her smile, her “God like” presence- God like, my ass. She watched in the front row of a theater and I was the main star Damned for a tragic plunge to Hell.

But from that pit from which I sank, I crawled and found a silver glowing thread. I reached for it but it disappeared. Wondering if God was playing a Fucking Nasty Trick on me. I kept crawling, climbing, Trying to find my way out of that pit Ever wondering if I could find the Light, Happiness, Joy, Faith, and Sanity I once had. Smiling, Laughing without a care Never knowing what would lie ahead for me. But now I have been Stained, Burned, and Tainted by everything that is her. I still hear her cruel voice now and then Calling out my name with such harsh tones that could deafen a person. Still I came to her Loyal and willing to do her “Good Deeds”, I fell for her Lies and her Coy smile like nothing else mattered in the world. It made me blind and She set a trap for me one night, She made it look so easy spitting out the words “God will not forgive you for being a Unclean, Un-pure, Undeserving, Unworthy Tainted with Blood, whore. I left Her presence that night Frightened and Broken, Never trusting another soul again.

 I never was the same Person again. 

By: Alex Gray

Well don’t mind this shit I’m just gonna whine about being depressed and other shit so yeah.

I still just can’t cope with my life right now between my mom bitching at for no apparent reason (possibly PMS on her part) But She doesn’t need to act like she’s three, I mean come on. Besides that I am on the brink of throwing my computer into the pit of hell and holding on to the cord and letting it dangle in the flames and hearing it scream bloody murder. It Has a problem with my art program and doesn’t want it to run. The only way I get my emotions out right is through my art and I can’t do that, so I’m depressed, irritated, and I feel like I’m alone. Oh also the boy that I have loved for the past what? Six years, left our church (and I never got to see him much after that) Just decided to pop in and comment (randomly) on one of my FaceBook posts’. He Doesn’t know that I love him (has not confessed yet T.T) , but still I wish in some way that he could understand and not be so oblivious to the world around him, especially with girls. <.< Oh Also My asshole-ish self centered brother is back from Texas because he couldn’t stand living down there for right now. After my parents spent all their money getting him a cellphone and getting him down there, not less than a month later he calls and says he wants to come home. So he gets home and takes over everything bossing me and my brothers around like old times and acting like he stilled lives in our house (he doesn’t he lives with a friends of my family’s) I couldn’t stand it any longer while we were sitting trying to eat dinner he just keep going on asking for money for different things through out the day. I burst out in the middle of dinner and kinda screamed at him that he was a guest and that he should act like one not like he lives here! I haven’t really talked to him since and I don’t think I really want to. My family (and me) are also on the verge of moving (/being kicked out) and I HATE, HATE, HATE packing it’s so depressing to pack everything you love up in boxes and to be left with white walls of emptiness and the Echo when you try to talk in my room is so annoying. I am a person that doesn’t like change at all and I hate the summer heat!!! Other than dealing with all this crap in my life I think I might be on the verge of going mentally insane. 

Well thanks for reading this Shit of a rant.

-V.